Cheaters and Liars

DALLAS, TEXAS - A Dallas kindergarten teacher who said she was sick and tired of gun violence and couldn’t take it any more, brought an AK-47 assault rifle into her classroom and mounted it on the wall.  She said if anyone ever attempted to harm any of her kids she would blast them with so many bullets that their identity would be barely recognizable.

The teacher, Robin Redblood, was praised by her principal and the parents of her pupils for her courage and determination.  “She has set an example that we hope other teachers in our school system will emulate,” said principal Wyat Waterloo.  “There are no Texas laws that say teachers can’t have guns in their classrooms and no deranged gunslinger is going to shoot up my school without a fight,” he added.

In addition to having the weapon on the wall, Redblood said she was training her students on how to react if someone entered the classroom and started shooting.  “We’re making our own body armor as an arts and crafts project and practicing a duck and take cover technique just like soldiers are trained in the military,” she explained.

District Superintendant Raymond Ranger said he not only gave his stamp of approval to Redblood’s classroom weapon and survival training, he also hoped that once these children reached junior high they will be ready to carry their own concealed weapons.  “Imagine the surprise of a terrorist being faced with 40 students aiming semi-automatic pistols in his direction,” he said.  “It’s up against the wall motherfucker to anyone who tries.”

Governor Rick Perry predicts Texas will be the first state where all its classrooms are self-armed.  “We’re not going to have any mass killings in our school system and these teachers and kids with guns will keep our streets safe as well, “ he pointed out.

The NRA has offered to provide weapons at cost and training to any school in Texas willing to arm teachers, students and staff.   This will be just like Apple giving schools computer laptops,” said NRA President Wayne LaPierre.  “Instead of playing computer action games they will experience the real thing.”

The NRA will also provide information and advice on constructing barbed wire walls, watchtowers and prison-quality bars and gates to keep out unwanted intruders.  LaPierre insists that people were a lot safer in the days of the Wild West than they are in an elementary school today.

“I hear there is a secessionist movement in Texas,” said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, an outspoken proponent of gun control.  “If there’s anything I can do that would help, like financial or moral support, just let me know.”