Thursday, March 31, 2011
A New Page In The History of Maine Labor
AUGUSTA - Maine Governor Paul LePage will be replacing the mural of Maine workers from the Department of Labor with a portrait of himself of equal size. The governor, who describes himself as a “pro-business animal,” compares his likeness to Big Brother in the Orwell novel 1984. “It sends the right message,” he said.
LePage incited an uproar in the national labor movement not only for removing the mural but also renaming the rooms at the Department of Labor originally named for labor leaders to names of industrialists. “It was the Robber Barons who built this country and the labor unions who destroyed it,” said LePage. “We need to let business leaders know that Maine is on the side of the Andrew Carnegies, J.P. Morgans, and John D. Rockefellers.”
To achieve his pro-business agenda LePage has recommended the dismantling of child labor laws, minimum wages, and the State’s Clean Election Law. He said he was ready to ignore federal statutes doling handouts to workers. “We could provide jobs to every able-bodied citizen in Maine over the age of 12 if we allowed employers to hire teenagers as young as 13 and to pay wages starting at $2 or $3 an hour,” he said.
Meanwhile, Republicans in the State legislature have been making whoopee with their newly elected majority by submitting bills to put an end to Maine’s bottle bill, to fund a court battle against Obama Care, and to make the Whoopie Pie the official State Snack. After weeks of debate, the blueberry pie edged out the Whoopie Pie as the official State Desert.
Both the governor and the legislature are also committed to dismantling the State’s Department of Environmental Protection. “The people and business community in Maine can be trusted to protect the environment without government oversight,” announced LePage. “We don’t need Bambi lovers and tree-huggers stifling economic development. A little toxic waste never hurt anyone.”
To coordinate the drive to make Maine the ideal location for sweat shops and factories protected from OSHA oversight, LePage, who proposed cutting salaries and benefits of State workers, hired his 23-year-old daughter at an annual salary of $42,000 to be the State’s official bulldog to protect business owners from any unnecessary regulation. When questioned about nepotism he said his 300-pound daughter was worth her weight in coal. “And she bites,” he added.
LePage predicted that by the end of his four-year term in office he will have wiped the Maine labor movement off the map. “We will replace Labor Day with Right to Work Day, labor force with forced labor for Welfare recipients, and labor pains with early C-sections,” he announced. “My agenda will be a labor of love.”
LePage incited an uproar in the national labor movement not only for removing the mural but also renaming the rooms at the Department of Labor originally named for labor leaders to names of industrialists. “It was the Robber Barons who built this country and the labor unions who destroyed it,” said LePage. “We need to let business leaders know that Maine is on the side of the Andrew Carnegies, J.P. Morgans, and John D. Rockefellers.”
To achieve his pro-business agenda LePage has recommended the dismantling of child labor laws, minimum wages, and the State’s Clean Election Law. He said he was ready to ignore federal statutes doling handouts to workers. “We could provide jobs to every able-bodied citizen in Maine over the age of 12 if we allowed employers to hire teenagers as young as 13 and to pay wages starting at $2 or $3 an hour,” he said.
Meanwhile, Republicans in the State legislature have been making whoopee with their newly elected majority by submitting bills to put an end to Maine’s bottle bill, to fund a court battle against Obama Care, and to make the Whoopie Pie the official State Snack. After weeks of debate, the blueberry pie edged out the Whoopie Pie as the official State Desert.
Both the governor and the legislature are also committed to dismantling the State’s Department of Environmental Protection. “The people and business community in Maine can be trusted to protect the environment without government oversight,” announced LePage. “We don’t need Bambi lovers and tree-huggers stifling economic development. A little toxic waste never hurt anyone.”
To coordinate the drive to make Maine the ideal location for sweat shops and factories protected from OSHA oversight, LePage, who proposed cutting salaries and benefits of State workers, hired his 23-year-old daughter at an annual salary of $42,000 to be the State’s official bulldog to protect business owners from any unnecessary regulation. When questioned about nepotism he said his 300-pound daughter was worth her weight in coal. “And she bites,” he added.
LePage predicted that by the end of his four-year term in office he will have wiped the Maine labor movement off the map. “We will replace Labor Day with Right to Work Day, labor force with forced labor for Welfare recipients, and labor pains with early C-sections,” he announced. “My agenda will be a labor of love.”
