Friday, November 30, 2007
Biloxi Teacher Bombs in Guys and Dolls Lesson
WASHINGTON, November 30 -A Biloxi, Mississippi school teacher was arrested and charged with "defamation of character" for allowing her class to name a George W. Bush doll "Dopey."
The teacher, Dora DeBlonde, asked her elementary school class to name the doll. None of the children, according to DeBlonde, recognized the stuffed toy as the president. But they came up with names like "Shmuck" and "Nazi" and finally, after a vote marred by contested ballots, agreed on "Dopey," she said.
"The doll must have had a subliminal affect on my students," said DeBlonde. "They could have named it 'Curious George' after the comical monkey but considered more derogatory names instead."
DeBlonde could face an indeterminate sentence at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center if she is labeled a "suspected terrorist" by the Justice Department. According to her attorney, Alberto Prevaracato, who was not permitted to meet with his client, DeBlonde could face a wide variety of punitive actions short of torture or shipped to Sudan for further questioning.
"Fortunately, our government doesn't torture prisoners even if they are considered terrorists," said Prevaracato. "And the Sudanese would give a shit only if she named the doll Muhammad."
DeBlonde was whisked out of her elementary school classroom by two unidentified soldiers wearing brown shirts and no identification, according to James Earl Ray Elementary School Principal Bubba Lynch. He reported that DeBlonde was immediately suspended and will not be welcomed back to the school regardless of the judicial outcome.
"She showed disrespect to the President of the United States," said Lynch. "If she ever came back to Biloxi I wouldn't be surprised if she was tarred and feathered and a noose hung in front of her house," he added.
"Other teachers at the school who requested anonymity reported that DeBlonde was using the doll as a way to encourage her students to write. Each child was allowed to take the doll home for a weekend and to write an short essay about the doll's activities. The strategy failed, according to the teachers, because most of the essays contained only one sentence. "The doll is stupid and didn't do squat," was a typical report.
Attorney Prevaracato said he was hoping the government would allow DeBlonde to be judged by her peers. But he was concerned that his client couldn't get a fair trial in Mississippi. "Folks here rank Republicans way up there with Jesus and John Wilkes Booth. The best we could hope for is a hung jury," he said.
The teacher, Dora DeBlonde, asked her elementary school class to name the doll. None of the children, according to DeBlonde, recognized the stuffed toy as the president. But they came up with names like "Shmuck" and "Nazi" and finally, after a vote marred by contested ballots, agreed on "Dopey," she said.
"The doll must have had a subliminal affect on my students," said DeBlonde. "They could have named it 'Curious George' after the comical monkey but considered more derogatory names instead."
DeBlonde could face an indeterminate sentence at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center if she is labeled a "suspected terrorist" by the Justice Department. According to her attorney, Alberto Prevaracato, who was not permitted to meet with his client, DeBlonde could face a wide variety of punitive actions short of torture or shipped to Sudan for further questioning.
"Fortunately, our government doesn't torture prisoners even if they are considered terrorists," said Prevaracato. "And the Sudanese would give a shit only if she named the doll Muhammad."
DeBlonde was whisked out of her elementary school classroom by two unidentified soldiers wearing brown shirts and no identification, according to James Earl Ray Elementary School Principal Bubba Lynch. He reported that DeBlonde was immediately suspended and will not be welcomed back to the school regardless of the judicial outcome.
"She showed disrespect to the President of the United States," said Lynch. "If she ever came back to Biloxi I wouldn't be surprised if she was tarred and feathered and a noose hung in front of her house," he added.
"Other teachers at the school who requested anonymity reported that DeBlonde was using the doll as a way to encourage her students to write. Each child was allowed to take the doll home for a weekend and to write an short essay about the doll's activities. The strategy failed, according to the teachers, because most of the essays contained only one sentence. "The doll is stupid and didn't do squat," was a typical report.
Attorney Prevaracato said he was hoping the government would allow DeBlonde to be judged by her peers. But he was concerned that his client couldn't get a fair trial in Mississippi. "Folks here rank Republicans way up there with Jesus and John Wilkes Booth. The best we could hope for is a hung jury," he said.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Bush Tested For Mental Competency
WASHINGTON, November 13 - President George W. Bush recently underwent a psychological assessment at the request of senior White House staff. According to a report leaked to Cheaters & Liars, Bush appeared to be "out of touch with reality" and Vice-President Dick Cheney requested documented evidence of Bush's mental condition before he would assume the presidency.
Although the results of the meeting between Bush and an Army psychiatrist remain top secret, a page from a word association test was apparently left behind, a copy of which was sent to Cheaters & Liars. The following appears to be Bush's quick responses to random words associated with his duties as president.
Waterboarding: "East Coast surfing"
Constitution: "Health insurance"
Torture: "Exams at Yale"
S-CHIP: "Snacks with a cold beer"
Musharraf: "The actor in Lawrence of Arabia"
Hamas: "Chickpeas"
Brownback: "A dark-skinned, illegal Mexican immigrant"
Obama: "Amos and Andy"
West Bank: "A California savings and loan"
Iran: "Ah, my dinner jacket" ("That's how I remember the president's name.")
Myanmar: "Chocolate-covered marshmallow"
WMDs: "Weapons Might Disappear"
Body Bag: "A sack containing skin lotions" ("Every son or daughter should send one home to mother.")
Global Warming: "When folks from all over the world start getting along"
Stem Cell: "Mobile phone antenna"
Ape: "Intelligent design"
Jackass: "Great job, Brownie!"
Gopher: "Gonzales" ("Cheney would tell Alberto what to do and he'd go for it.")
Mormon: "Multiple campaign managers"
Neo-Con: "A new way to fool the public"
Malapropism: "Amoeba" ("Or is that protoplasm?")
Falstaff: "That's me!" ("Dick calls me 'My little Falstaff'")
A White House spokesman who requested anonymity said he overheard the psychiatrist telling Cheney that Bush's mental state appeared to be normal for someone with his level of intellect. "Politicians with low IQs and big egos tend to be delusional from time to time" he reassured the vice-president. When Cheney was asked to comment he told Cheaters & Liars to "fuck off."
Although the results of the meeting between Bush and an Army psychiatrist remain top secret, a page from a word association test was apparently left behind, a copy of which was sent to Cheaters & Liars. The following appears to be Bush's quick responses to random words associated with his duties as president.
Waterboarding: "East Coast surfing"
Constitution: "Health insurance"
Torture: "Exams at Yale"
S-CHIP: "Snacks with a cold beer"
Musharraf: "The actor in Lawrence of Arabia"
Hamas: "Chickpeas"
Brownback: "A dark-skinned, illegal Mexican immigrant"
Obama: "Amos and Andy"
West Bank: "A California savings and loan"
Iran: "Ah, my dinner jacket" ("That's how I remember the president's name.")
Myanmar: "Chocolate-covered marshmallow"
WMDs: "Weapons Might Disappear"
Body Bag: "A sack containing skin lotions" ("Every son or daughter should send one home to mother.")
Global Warming: "When folks from all over the world start getting along"
Stem Cell: "Mobile phone antenna"
Ape: "Intelligent design"
Jackass: "Great job, Brownie!"
Gopher: "Gonzales" ("Cheney would tell Alberto what to do and he'd go for it.")
Mormon: "Multiple campaign managers"
Neo-Con: "A new way to fool the public"
Malapropism: "Amoeba" ("Or is that protoplasm?")
Falstaff: "That's me!" ("Dick calls me 'My little Falstaff'")
A White House spokesman who requested anonymity said he overheard the psychiatrist telling Cheney that Bush's mental state appeared to be normal for someone with his level of intellect. "Politicians with low IQs and big egos tend to be delusional from time to time" he reassured the vice-president. When Cheney was asked to comment he told Cheaters & Liars to "fuck off."
