Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Cockpit Confidential or What Happened On Flight 188
WASHINGTON DC - A new twist in the puzzling case of a Northwest Airline flight overshooting its destination by 150 miles has come to light in testimony by a flight attendant in the FAA investigation. According to Melanie Lane who was in charge of servicing the first class cabin, both pilots may have been distracted by a mélange a trois in the cockpit.
Ms. Lane admitted she jokingly said “coffee, tea, or me” when she knocked on the cockpit door and was surprised to learn that neither pilot was interested in artificial stimulants. “They opened the door, invited me in, and asked if I would like to sit in the captain’s seat in the buff,” she said. “They offered to let me wear the captain’s cap. So I just threw my inhibitions to the wind and stripped,” admitted the blond and shapely flight attendant.
The testimony of the pilots, Captain Timothy Cheney and First Officer Richard Cole, claiming they were distracted while working on their laptops, was not entirely false, according to Ms. Lane. “They just didn’t mean computers. You need to do everything on laptops in such a small space,” she said.
Ms. Lane revealed that the cockpit radio was tuned to a R&B station, explaining why ground control was unable to communicate with the aircraft for 91 minutes. “Between the hot music, plane vibrations, and two guys on auto-pilot, we could have been in a rocket ship headed for the moon,” she said. “Although flying in outer space was only a fantasy, how many women can say they did it at 37,000 feet?”
First Officer Cole reportedly said that studying the varied use of cockpit space by three adults would come in handy when he went for his Captain’s license. “He took all kinds of measurement of our positions,” Ms. Lane told FAA investigators. “He said the airlines were always looking for ways to make cockpits more user friendly.”
The Northwest Airline flight 188 originating from San Diego had already passed its Minneapolis destination and was over Wisconsin when one of Ms. Lane’s coworkers called the cockpit to find out what was going on. “I answered the phone and told her I was giving the guys a hand,” she recalled, explaining that she was helping the pilots stay awake.
“I was so flustered when I emerged from the cockpit that I thanked the passengers over the P.A. for flying United instead of Northwest. I certainly felt I was flying the ‘friendly skies’ on that leg of the trip,” admitted Ms. Lane. “And I whispered to Captain Tim as we were deplaning that I shared the same slogan as our parent company Delta – Melanie is ready when you are!”
Neither the pilots nor the FAA would comment on Ms. Lane’s testimony. However, a spokesman for the Airline Pilot’s Association said cockpit quickies were not uncommon but 91 minutes may have set a record.
Ms. Lane admitted she jokingly said “coffee, tea, or me” when she knocked on the cockpit door and was surprised to learn that neither pilot was interested in artificial stimulants. “They opened the door, invited me in, and asked if I would like to sit in the captain’s seat in the buff,” she said. “They offered to let me wear the captain’s cap. So I just threw my inhibitions to the wind and stripped,” admitted the blond and shapely flight attendant.
The testimony of the pilots, Captain Timothy Cheney and First Officer Richard Cole, claiming they were distracted while working on their laptops, was not entirely false, according to Ms. Lane. “They just didn’t mean computers. You need to do everything on laptops in such a small space,” she said.
Ms. Lane revealed that the cockpit radio was tuned to a R&B station, explaining why ground control was unable to communicate with the aircraft for 91 minutes. “Between the hot music, plane vibrations, and two guys on auto-pilot, we could have been in a rocket ship headed for the moon,” she said. “Although flying in outer space was only a fantasy, how many women can say they did it at 37,000 feet?”
First Officer Cole reportedly said that studying the varied use of cockpit space by three adults would come in handy when he went for his Captain’s license. “He took all kinds of measurement of our positions,” Ms. Lane told FAA investigators. “He said the airlines were always looking for ways to make cockpits more user friendly.”
The Northwest Airline flight 188 originating from San Diego had already passed its Minneapolis destination and was over Wisconsin when one of Ms. Lane’s coworkers called the cockpit to find out what was going on. “I answered the phone and told her I was giving the guys a hand,” she recalled, explaining that she was helping the pilots stay awake.
“I was so flustered when I emerged from the cockpit that I thanked the passengers over the P.A. for flying United instead of Northwest. I certainly felt I was flying the ‘friendly skies’ on that leg of the trip,” admitted Ms. Lane. “And I whispered to Captain Tim as we were deplaning that I shared the same slogan as our parent company Delta – Melanie is ready when you are!”
Neither the pilots nor the FAA would comment on Ms. Lane’s testimony. However, a spokesman for the Airline Pilot’s Association said cockpit quickies were not uncommon but 91 minutes may have set a record.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Health Care Legislation From The Horse’s Mouth
WASHINGTON DC - Maine Senator Olympia Snowe says her long-standing admiration of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans influenced her position on national health care legislation. “As a child I loved their shows on radio and television and my favorite character was Roy’s horse Trigger,” she reflects.
“With all the horse trading going on in the Senate Finance Committee it dawned on me to propose a trigger mechanism for the public option,” she explains. “Horses, mane, and Trigger all go together like love and marriage,” says the Maine senator.
While many political pundits predicted the Maine pol would switch parties following the election of President Obama, Snowe points out the advantages of staying with the minority. “As a Democrat I would be a little fish in a big pond; as a Republican I’m a big fish in a little cesspool,” she argues.
Snowe insists a trigger mechanism in the health care legislation would be sufficient to prod the insurance companies to change their ways. “If in five years these companies fail to offer quality health insurance at affordable rates we will line up all the CEOs at the Arlington National Cemetery and pull the trigger,” she explains.
The Maine Senator says she has already supported runaway spending for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and fears there is now little money left to provide health insurance for all Americans. “It’s just like people from my State spending all their money on snowmobiles and four-wheelers and not having anything left for food, health care and shelter,” she points out. “When they come to the government for help we should teach personal responsibility and tell them to eat cake.”
Snowe has never been accused of being trigger-happy and admits being influenced by another western heroine, Annie Oakley, who proclaimed “you can’t get a man with a gun.” “I told then governor John McKernan he was acting like the rear end of a horse concerning gun control and he immediately proposed marriage,” she recalls. “Now he’s hoofing around the State while I take care of business in Washington.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says Snowe’s disloyalty is another good reason to ban women and minorities from the white-man’s party. “We don’t need some female gun control supporter taking potshots at our strategy to discredit the Obama Administration,” he declaired.
As the only Republican to consider voting for an overhaul of the country’s health care system, Snowe has received more media attention than any Democrat and even the president himself. After years of relative obscurity she is now the focal point on health care legislation in the Senate. “As Roy would say, I’m back in the saddle again,” she announced. “Or was that Gene? All these conservative westerners now look the same to me.”
“With all the horse trading going on in the Senate Finance Committee it dawned on me to propose a trigger mechanism for the public option,” she explains. “Horses, mane, and Trigger all go together like love and marriage,” says the Maine senator.
While many political pundits predicted the Maine pol would switch parties following the election of President Obama, Snowe points out the advantages of staying with the minority. “As a Democrat I would be a little fish in a big pond; as a Republican I’m a big fish in a little cesspool,” she argues.
Snowe insists a trigger mechanism in the health care legislation would be sufficient to prod the insurance companies to change their ways. “If in five years these companies fail to offer quality health insurance at affordable rates we will line up all the CEOs at the Arlington National Cemetery and pull the trigger,” she explains.
The Maine Senator says she has already supported runaway spending for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and fears there is now little money left to provide health insurance for all Americans. “It’s just like people from my State spending all their money on snowmobiles and four-wheelers and not having anything left for food, health care and shelter,” she points out. “When they come to the government for help we should teach personal responsibility and tell them to eat cake.”
Snowe has never been accused of being trigger-happy and admits being influenced by another western heroine, Annie Oakley, who proclaimed “you can’t get a man with a gun.” “I told then governor John McKernan he was acting like the rear end of a horse concerning gun control and he immediately proposed marriage,” she recalls. “Now he’s hoofing around the State while I take care of business in Washington.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says Snowe’s disloyalty is another good reason to ban women and minorities from the white-man’s party. “We don’t need some female gun control supporter taking potshots at our strategy to discredit the Obama Administration,” he declaired.
As the only Republican to consider voting for an overhaul of the country’s health care system, Snowe has received more media attention than any Democrat and even the president himself. After years of relative obscurity she is now the focal point on health care legislation in the Senate. “As Roy would say, I’m back in the saddle again,” she announced. “Or was that Gene? All these conservative westerners now look the same to me.”
