Wednesday, July 28, 2010
LePage’s True Ethnic Background Revealed
AUGUSTA - Prominent State Republican leaders have announced their refusal to support Maine Republican gubernatorial candidate Paul LePage because, they say, he has been hiding his Muslim background and claiming to be a French Catholic. According to a Muslims Against Congressional Pork blog, LePage’s original family name was Ben Marden and was changed so he could gain acceptance as a concessionaire at Old Orchard Beach.
“We don’t need a Muslim governor. LePage should retire, put up his feet, and enjoy the Maine weather,” said former Senator Edwin Muskie. “If LePage became governor Maine women would have to wear burkas and would not be able to hold jobs in the state,” cited former Senator Margaret Chase Smith.
LePage claimed the Democrats, and in particular Campaign Manager Arden Manning, were guilty of ethnic harassment. “I don’t like to be typecast. The Attorney General should throw the book at those responsible for this incident. Those Democrats are a bunch of jackasses”
The controversy has turned into an epic page-turner. While Democrats claim they observed LePage sneaking in and out of a Mosque on Water Street in Waterville, LePage insists he is a red blooded American because he favors eliminating Maine’s Department of Environmental Protection, drilling for oil off the coast of Maine, and investigating the "global warming myth.”
“LePage is a Republican remainder, out of print, and a Tea Party bookend,” says former Maine Governor John Reed. “He should be relegated to the stacks under the heading ‘Political Dinosaurs.’”
Red in the face and foaming at the mouth, LePage has fired off a number of directives should he be elected. They include requiring every State employee to stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance every weekday morning at 9 a.m.; indicting Arden Manning for slander; banning the Democratic Party from the State; and eliminating all State rules and regulations hampering private enterprise.
“The thousands of jobs I created when I was operating hot dog and hamburger stands at Old Orchard Beach should be an incentive to all business owners to put unemployed Mainers back to work at minimum wage. If people don’t want these jobs we will give them a one-way bus ticket to Texas.”
On the positive side, LePage said he would change his name back to Ben Marden if it would make people more comfortable. He will also consider having the Waterville mosque broadcast a daily call to prayer in the streets. “I want the State to become a true melting pot of all ethnic and religious backgrounds as long as we ship those annoying illegal wetbacks back to Mexico.”
The State Democratic Party has demanded that LePage apologize for his unsubstantiated accusations. “We never called him a Muslim,” protested a prominent party member who requested anonymity, “only an ambulatory asshole.”
“We don’t need a Muslim governor. LePage should retire, put up his feet, and enjoy the Maine weather,” said former Senator Edwin Muskie. “If LePage became governor Maine women would have to wear burkas and would not be able to hold jobs in the state,” cited former Senator Margaret Chase Smith.
LePage claimed the Democrats, and in particular Campaign Manager Arden Manning, were guilty of ethnic harassment. “I don’t like to be typecast. The Attorney General should throw the book at those responsible for this incident. Those Democrats are a bunch of jackasses”
The controversy has turned into an epic page-turner. While Democrats claim they observed LePage sneaking in and out of a Mosque on Water Street in Waterville, LePage insists he is a red blooded American because he favors eliminating Maine’s Department of Environmental Protection, drilling for oil off the coast of Maine, and investigating the "global warming myth.”
“LePage is a Republican remainder, out of print, and a Tea Party bookend,” says former Maine Governor John Reed. “He should be relegated to the stacks under the heading ‘Political Dinosaurs.’”
Red in the face and foaming at the mouth, LePage has fired off a number of directives should he be elected. They include requiring every State employee to stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance every weekday morning at 9 a.m.; indicting Arden Manning for slander; banning the Democratic Party from the State; and eliminating all State rules and regulations hampering private enterprise.
“The thousands of jobs I created when I was operating hot dog and hamburger stands at Old Orchard Beach should be an incentive to all business owners to put unemployed Mainers back to work at minimum wage. If people don’t want these jobs we will give them a one-way bus ticket to Texas.”
On the positive side, LePage said he would change his name back to Ben Marden if it would make people more comfortable. He will also consider having the Waterville mosque broadcast a daily call to prayer in the streets. “I want the State to become a true melting pot of all ethnic and religious backgrounds as long as we ship those annoying illegal wetbacks back to Mexico.”
The State Democratic Party has demanded that LePage apologize for his unsubstantiated accusations. “We never called him a Muslim,” protested a prominent party member who requested anonymity, “only an ambulatory asshole.”
