Monday, April 14, 2008
McCain Cites Iraq As "The War I Always Wanted"
WASHINGTON, April 14 - Republican presidential candidate John McCain is attempting to reassure Americans that "I detest war" even as he strongly backs the current U.S. war strategy in Iraq. He cites a number of factors making the conflict in Iraq a "good war."
"Relatively few Americans have been killed compared to other wars," McCain pointed out. "That's one U.S. casualty for every 100 barrels of oil to date, not a bad ratio."
"Arabs propagate like rabbits. No matter how many we kill there will always be plenty more. We can't count on Planned Parenthood to control the world's population."
"It is our manifest destiny to rule the Middle East. Today Iraq, tomorrow Iran and Syria. The Palestinians will convert to Judaism to avoid our wrath."
"When the violence ends, we can dispatch George W. Bush to be the new Shah of Iraq. It's something he always wanted but could never quite accomplish during his presidency."
"Iraqis will soon be fed up with Islam. We will send evangelical missionaries to convert them to Christianity so they will be just like us."
"Barack Obama will be proud to use his middle name again once Iraq becomes a U.S. satellite."
"This war is good for corporations. Look how the little startup company Halliburton grew and created hundreds of jobs as a result of our invasion."
"We will be able to bring poor Iraqis to the U.S. on temporary work visas so they can pick our crops and clean our public restrooms. They are much more reliable than our wetback neighbors."
"Iraqis love to smoke. It will open new markets for our cigarette and x-ray manufacturers."
"Dead Muslims go to paradise, or so they believe. By killing them we are actually doing both Iraqi terrorists and innocent bystanders a big favor."
"It's far better than the so-called 100-year War between the French and English. While this war saw the evolution of two separate countries, our 100-year War will see the evolution of America as a world empire."
McCain said if U.S. officials were to design a war they couldn't have done a better job than the one in Iraq. "I detest war," he insisted, "but a good one is music to my ears."
"Relatively few Americans have been killed compared to other wars," McCain pointed out. "That's one U.S. casualty for every 100 barrels of oil to date, not a bad ratio."
"Arabs propagate like rabbits. No matter how many we kill there will always be plenty more. We can't count on Planned Parenthood to control the world's population."
"It is our manifest destiny to rule the Middle East. Today Iraq, tomorrow Iran and Syria. The Palestinians will convert to Judaism to avoid our wrath."
"When the violence ends, we can dispatch George W. Bush to be the new Shah of Iraq. It's something he always wanted but could never quite accomplish during his presidency."
"Iraqis will soon be fed up with Islam. We will send evangelical missionaries to convert them to Christianity so they will be just like us."
"Barack Obama will be proud to use his middle name again once Iraq becomes a U.S. satellite."
"This war is good for corporations. Look how the little startup company Halliburton grew and created hundreds of jobs as a result of our invasion."
"We will be able to bring poor Iraqis to the U.S. on temporary work visas so they can pick our crops and clean our public restrooms. They are much more reliable than our wetback neighbors."
"Iraqis love to smoke. It will open new markets for our cigarette and x-ray manufacturers."
"Dead Muslims go to paradise, or so they believe. By killing them we are actually doing both Iraqi terrorists and innocent bystanders a big favor."
"It's far better than the so-called 100-year War between the French and English. While this war saw the evolution of two separate countries, our 100-year War will see the evolution of America as a world empire."
McCain said if U.S. officials were to design a war they couldn't have done a better job than the one in Iraq. "I detest war," he insisted, "but a good one is music to my ears."
