Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Bush Tested For Mental Competency
WASHINGTON, November 13 - President George W. Bush recently underwent a psychological assessment at the request of senior White House staff. According to a report leaked to Cheaters & Liars, Bush appeared to be "out of touch with reality" and Vice-President Dick Cheney requested documented evidence of Bush's mental condition before he would assume the presidency.
Although the results of the meeting between Bush and an Army psychiatrist remain top secret, a page from a word association test was apparently left behind, a copy of which was sent to Cheaters & Liars. The following appears to be Bush's quick responses to random words associated with his duties as president.
Waterboarding: "East Coast surfing"
Constitution: "Health insurance"
Torture: "Exams at Yale"
S-CHIP: "Snacks with a cold beer"
Musharraf: "The actor in Lawrence of Arabia"
Hamas: "Chickpeas"
Brownback: "A dark-skinned, illegal Mexican immigrant"
Obama: "Amos and Andy"
West Bank: "A California savings and loan"
Iran: "Ah, my dinner jacket" ("That's how I remember the president's name.")
Myanmar: "Chocolate-covered marshmallow"
WMDs: "Weapons Might Disappear"
Body Bag: "A sack containing skin lotions" ("Every son or daughter should send one home to mother.")
Global Warming: "When folks from all over the world start getting along"
Stem Cell: "Mobile phone antenna"
Ape: "Intelligent design"
Jackass: "Great job, Brownie!"
Gopher: "Gonzales" ("Cheney would tell Alberto what to do and he'd go for it.")
Mormon: "Multiple campaign managers"
Neo-Con: "A new way to fool the public"
Malapropism: "Amoeba" ("Or is that protoplasm?")
Falstaff: "That's me!" ("Dick calls me 'My little Falstaff'")
A White House spokesman who requested anonymity said he overheard the psychiatrist telling Cheney that Bush's mental state appeared to be normal for someone with his level of intellect. "Politicians with low IQs and big egos tend to be delusional from time to time" he reassured the vice-president. When Cheney was asked to comment he told Cheaters & Liars to "fuck off."
Although the results of the meeting between Bush and an Army psychiatrist remain top secret, a page from a word association test was apparently left behind, a copy of which was sent to Cheaters & Liars. The following appears to be Bush's quick responses to random words associated with his duties as president.
Waterboarding: "East Coast surfing"
Constitution: "Health insurance"
Torture: "Exams at Yale"
S-CHIP: "Snacks with a cold beer"
Musharraf: "The actor in Lawrence of Arabia"
Hamas: "Chickpeas"
Brownback: "A dark-skinned, illegal Mexican immigrant"
Obama: "Amos and Andy"
West Bank: "A California savings and loan"
Iran: "Ah, my dinner jacket" ("That's how I remember the president's name.")
Myanmar: "Chocolate-covered marshmallow"
WMDs: "Weapons Might Disappear"
Body Bag: "A sack containing skin lotions" ("Every son or daughter should send one home to mother.")
Global Warming: "When folks from all over the world start getting along"
Stem Cell: "Mobile phone antenna"
Ape: "Intelligent design"
Jackass: "Great job, Brownie!"
Gopher: "Gonzales" ("Cheney would tell Alberto what to do and he'd go for it.")
Mormon: "Multiple campaign managers"
Neo-Con: "A new way to fool the public"
Malapropism: "Amoeba" ("Or is that protoplasm?")
Falstaff: "That's me!" ("Dick calls me 'My little Falstaff'")
A White House spokesman who requested anonymity said he overheard the psychiatrist telling Cheney that Bush's mental state appeared to be normal for someone with his level of intellect. "Politicians with low IQs and big egos tend to be delusional from time to time" he reassured the vice-president. When Cheney was asked to comment he told Cheaters & Liars to "fuck off."
