Friday, November 30, 2012
Congressional Lemmings Head For Fiscal Cliff
WASHINGTON - Representative Robert Dolt, a
moderate Republican from Illinois defeated for re-election, admitted that House
Republicans were using Cliff Notes as the basis for their unified position on the
deficit. He said relying on the Reader’s
Digest version to understand the economic impact for allowing all taxes to rise
and massive spending cuts to go into affect is like reading the first and last
pages of the Bible to find God.
House Speaker John Boehner strongly
disagreed. He cited an economic
analysis by the chairman of the economics department at Tuscaloosa Bible
College, Calvin Cashman, proving that the super rich “slobber for joy” when
entitlements are cut and they have more discretionary money to throw around. The theory, he said, is commonly
referred to by House Republicans as Dribble Down Economics.
“The super rich hand out $50 bills at company
Christmas parties, throw pocket change to the homeless in the streets, and make
significant contributions to political campaigns,” Boehner points out. “Why should we stifle these acts of
generosity and handcuff the economy by raising their taxes,” he argues.
Senate Minority Leader, Republican Mitch
McConnell, proposed an alternative to raising taxes by requiring people on
public assistance to stand on street corners with large upturned Uncle Sam hats
collecting donations to reduce the federal deficit. “People would much rather contribute voluntarily,” McConnell
insisted. “We can call it the
‘Brother Can You Spare A Dime’ campaign.”
Meanwhile Democrats have submitted a 932-page,
single spaced report with their proposals for increasing income and reigning in
spending. According to Treasury
Secretary Timothy Geithner, anyone owning Brooks Brothers suits or the
equivalent and driving a BMW, Mercedes or Jaguar would be required to
automatically pay a minimum $1 million in taxes. Government spending cuts, he
said, would include the elimination of toilet seats from all military aircraft. While Geithner claimed the
Administration was willing to negotiate his comment, “It’s my way or the
highway,” led observers to believe there was little chance for an agreement.
Citizens United reacted to Geithner’s proposals
by describing the treasury secretary as a “fiscal abortion provider” on a
right-to-life Web site. “Geithner
has his hands in your pocket and may be either a thief or a gay activist,”
reads the description. “Gun
owners, you know the right thing to do,” it warns. Boehner insisted the Republican Party had nothing to do with
this posting. However, he recommended
that Geithner might be safer staying out of Washington for a while.
Republicans published their Cliff Notes in little
red books to distribute and wave during public demonstrations. “It’s God, money and apple pie all in
one little primer,” says Boehner who describes the Republican’s economic
position as “an intelligent design.”
“If Jesus saves, so will thousands of wealthy Americans who support us,”
he proudly adds.
