Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Limbaugh Outed As A Pill-Dealing Screwball
WASHINGTON DC - Screw-U Magazine reported that radio personality Rush Limbaugh has been supplying a Washington DC escort services with oral contraceptives obtained from friends in the Republican Party. According to Carrie Hooker who manages Cash & Carrie Escorts, Limbaugh has been bartering birth control pills for sexual favors for a number of years. “It has saved us thousands of dollars and my girls love to tie him up to the bedposts,” she said.
Limbaugh, according to the article, obtains the contraceptives from members of Congress who get them for free from their generous federal health plans. He has often been observed with an entourage of Republican congressmen at DC hotels arm in arm with young female escorts who appear as ladies of the night.
The Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHB), available to all Congressmen and Senators, will pay the full cost of birth control for any Republican member, male or female, with a note from the Speaker of the House or any high ranking Republican official. On the other hand, Democrats must go the usual route of obtaining a doctor’s prescription.
According to a spokesman for FEHB, the rules were set during the George W. Bush Administration when Republicans in good standing were appointed to supervisory posts in a wide variety of government agencies. As Republican politicians had a much higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases it was argued they needed an easier way to obtain birth control devices.
Speaker of the House John Boehner who is reportedly ready, willing and able to have sex at any given time has written scores of permission slips to fellow House members for contraceptives. With a characteristic stiff upper lip, Boehner conceded that he wrote a number of approval letters but insists they were all used for legitimate purposes.
Limbaugh claimed, through a spokesman, that he’s supplying birth control pills to all his ex-wives as part of the divorce agreements. But his claim raised eyebrows as all three women are reportedly post-menopausal.
“I can’t imagine how a person like Rush can be so full of shit and sperm at the same time,” said wife number three Marta Maranda Fitzgerald. “Why would he want an escort service? He’s more of a jerk-off kind of guy,” questioned wife number two Michelle Sixta. “His genitals are so small that he gets off ranting and raving. Forget intercourse,” claims wife number one Roxy Maxine McNeely.
Meanwhile Limbaugh is remaining uncharacteristically silent on the issue. Ms. Hooker says the delivery of pills to her establishment has stopped and suspects that Limbaugh is now trading them for Viagra. “His fleeing advertisers are getting him down so he may be needing a good pick-me-up,” she ventured.
Limbaugh, according to the article, obtains the contraceptives from members of Congress who get them for free from their generous federal health plans. He has often been observed with an entourage of Republican congressmen at DC hotels arm in arm with young female escorts who appear as ladies of the night.
The Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHB), available to all Congressmen and Senators, will pay the full cost of birth control for any Republican member, male or female, with a note from the Speaker of the House or any high ranking Republican official. On the other hand, Democrats must go the usual route of obtaining a doctor’s prescription.
According to a spokesman for FEHB, the rules were set during the George W. Bush Administration when Republicans in good standing were appointed to supervisory posts in a wide variety of government agencies. As Republican politicians had a much higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases it was argued they needed an easier way to obtain birth control devices.
Speaker of the House John Boehner who is reportedly ready, willing and able to have sex at any given time has written scores of permission slips to fellow House members for contraceptives. With a characteristic stiff upper lip, Boehner conceded that he wrote a number of approval letters but insists they were all used for legitimate purposes.
Limbaugh claimed, through a spokesman, that he’s supplying birth control pills to all his ex-wives as part of the divorce agreements. But his claim raised eyebrows as all three women are reportedly post-menopausal.
“I can’t imagine how a person like Rush can be so full of shit and sperm at the same time,” said wife number three Marta Maranda Fitzgerald. “Why would he want an escort service? He’s more of a jerk-off kind of guy,” questioned wife number two Michelle Sixta. “His genitals are so small that he gets off ranting and raving. Forget intercourse,” claims wife number one Roxy Maxine McNeely.
Meanwhile Limbaugh is remaining uncharacteristically silent on the issue. Ms. Hooker says the delivery of pills to her establishment has stopped and suspects that Limbaugh is now trading them for Viagra. “His fleeing advertisers are getting him down so he may be needing a good pick-me-up,” she ventured.
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"Limbaugh claimed, through a spokesman" Rush would never use a spokesman he is "The Spokesman". Wow Jon I guess rush has gotten a bit under your skin eh? yep us republicans have our sexual desires so repressed that the only possible expression of them would be through some twisted avenue as you describe here. It probably is a result of the mistaken belief in the sanctity of marriage which as humans most of us fail miserably in upholding.
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