Saturday, December 12, 2009
Obama Wins Madoff Peace Prize
WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama has been awarded the Madoff Shoot for Peace Award for sending additional troops to Afghanistan, cited as a Nobel effort.
The award to the president was one of ten prizes given by The Bernie Madoff Pyramid Foundation in 2009. Recipients will receive 1,000 shares of Fairpoint Communication stock (currently valued at five cents a share), a lifetime subscription to TMR (Take The Money and Run) Financial Times, and a federal dinner with Mr. Madoff at his current residence.
The Madoff Science Award went to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who announced his plan to irradiate all foods imported from Israel.
The Madoff Looney Tunes Award went to Senator Orrin Hatch for writing a Hanukah song, translated into Arabic, telling the miracle of the eight Israeli-Palestinian peace accords.
The Madoff Wildlife Award went to Senator Joe Lieberman for helping preserve and protect the common weasel.
The Madoff Creative Writing Award went to former Governor Sarah Palin who claimed in her recently published book that the earth is flat, apes evolved from liberal Democrats, and any developmentally disabled child can grow up to be vice-president.
The Madoff Diplomacy Award went to Mormon Norman Jessop of Texas who kept nine wives content until one of them discovered he was having an affair with Laura Bush and complained to authorities, leading to his conviction and incarceration.
The Madoff Sacrifice for Humanity Award went to CEO Lloyd Blandfein of Goldman Sachs who announced that all top executives will now take their bonuses in stocks instead of cash and will limit their real estate holdings to something less than John McCain’s.
The Madoff Public Health Award went to Rush Limbaugh who said that poor people are no more entitled to health insurance than a home on the beach.
The Madoff Environmental Award went to Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina who discovered the beauty and firmness of Argentina’s rolling hills.
The Madoff Keep Your Eye On Your Balls Award went to Tiger Woods for his outstanding aim on both the green and his driveway.
The prizes will be distributed at a private ceremony at the federal correctional facility in Ossining, New York. President Obama, in a gesture of bipartisanship, said he would be sending former FEMA official Michael “Brownie” Brown to accept the award in his place. “I am confident he will do a heckuva job,” said the president.
The award to the president was one of ten prizes given by The Bernie Madoff Pyramid Foundation in 2009. Recipients will receive 1,000 shares of Fairpoint Communication stock (currently valued at five cents a share), a lifetime subscription to TMR (Take The Money and Run) Financial Times, and a federal dinner with Mr. Madoff at his current residence.
The Madoff Science Award went to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad who announced his plan to irradiate all foods imported from Israel.
The Madoff Looney Tunes Award went to Senator Orrin Hatch for writing a Hanukah song, translated into Arabic, telling the miracle of the eight Israeli-Palestinian peace accords.
The Madoff Wildlife Award went to Senator Joe Lieberman for helping preserve and protect the common weasel.
The Madoff Creative Writing Award went to former Governor Sarah Palin who claimed in her recently published book that the earth is flat, apes evolved from liberal Democrats, and any developmentally disabled child can grow up to be vice-president.
The Madoff Diplomacy Award went to Mormon Norman Jessop of Texas who kept nine wives content until one of them discovered he was having an affair with Laura Bush and complained to authorities, leading to his conviction and incarceration.
The Madoff Sacrifice for Humanity Award went to CEO Lloyd Blandfein of Goldman Sachs who announced that all top executives will now take their bonuses in stocks instead of cash and will limit their real estate holdings to something less than John McCain’s.
The Madoff Public Health Award went to Rush Limbaugh who said that poor people are no more entitled to health insurance than a home on the beach.
The Madoff Environmental Award went to Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina who discovered the beauty and firmness of Argentina’s rolling hills.
The Madoff Keep Your Eye On Your Balls Award went to Tiger Woods for his outstanding aim on both the green and his driveway.
The prizes will be distributed at a private ceremony at the federal correctional facility in Ossining, New York. President Obama, in a gesture of bipartisanship, said he would be sending former FEMA official Michael “Brownie” Brown to accept the award in his place. “I am confident he will do a heckuva job,” said the president.
