Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Health Care Debate Undergoes Reincarnation
WASHINGTON DC - Republican Senator Johnny Isakson of Georgia has offered an amendment to the health care legislation entitled the Youth-In-Asia Option. Modeled on the Japanese hara-kiri, a form of ritual suicide, the option will allow Americans with life-threatening illnesses or major disabilities a menu of choices for ending life at government expense.
Better known as the “death option” by health care change opponents, the program would be administered by a panel of specialists who would explain the pluses and minuses of every choice to all those who qualify. If enacted, Dr. Jack Kevorkian may be pardoned and appointed to chair the panel, according to White House sources.
Isakson insists that the honorable Japanese way of ending one’s life, suicide by disembowelment, would not be an option under the proposed Youth-In-Asia plan. “There are many ways to kill a cat and the government will offer the most efficient, low cost methods available,” he explains.
The Congressional Budget Office has projected a savings of 100 billion dollars over a 10-year period once the Youth-In-Asia program is up and running. Their report quantifies the costs of long-term care vs. the slam-bang you’re out of here approach and concludes that free health care for the healthy would earn the government a healthy profit.
While the majority of Republicans oppose any government-run health program Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says they may support the Youth-In-Asia Option if it is run by the private sector. “The insurance industry is already limiting care to the very sick and elderly so it would be an easy step for them to say ‘it’s time to go, buddy.’ Big corporations, not the government, should decide life and death issues.”
Democrat leaders appeared poised for vaccinations as they were caught with their pants down with the announcement of the Isakson amendment. “Youth-In-Asia sounds to me like a sneaky title for a complicated proposal,” cautioned Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “The details will put people right to sleep,” he argued.
Isakson said he could envision going to an expensive French restaurant with a gorgeous young female model for a candlelight dinner at government expense when the time came. “My favorite jazz tunes would be playing softly in the background while I dined on fillet mignon and drank French champagne laced with small amounts of cyanide.
“’You’re a dead ringer for Robert Redford,’ my date would say as I begin to fade.”
Better known as the “death option” by health care change opponents, the program would be administered by a panel of specialists who would explain the pluses and minuses of every choice to all those who qualify. If enacted, Dr. Jack Kevorkian may be pardoned and appointed to chair the panel, according to White House sources.
Isakson insists that the honorable Japanese way of ending one’s life, suicide by disembowelment, would not be an option under the proposed Youth-In-Asia plan. “There are many ways to kill a cat and the government will offer the most efficient, low cost methods available,” he explains.
The Congressional Budget Office has projected a savings of 100 billion dollars over a 10-year period once the Youth-In-Asia program is up and running. Their report quantifies the costs of long-term care vs. the slam-bang you’re out of here approach and concludes that free health care for the healthy would earn the government a healthy profit.
While the majority of Republicans oppose any government-run health program Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says they may support the Youth-In-Asia Option if it is run by the private sector. “The insurance industry is already limiting care to the very sick and elderly so it would be an easy step for them to say ‘it’s time to go, buddy.’ Big corporations, not the government, should decide life and death issues.”
Democrat leaders appeared poised for vaccinations as they were caught with their pants down with the announcement of the Isakson amendment. “Youth-In-Asia sounds to me like a sneaky title for a complicated proposal,” cautioned Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “The details will put people right to sleep,” he argued.
Isakson said he could envision going to an expensive French restaurant with a gorgeous young female model for a candlelight dinner at government expense when the time came. “My favorite jazz tunes would be playing softly in the background while I dined on fillet mignon and drank French champagne laced with small amounts of cyanide.
“’You’re a dead ringer for Robert Redford,’ my date would say as I begin to fade.”
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Good one!
I bet the Repubs would support this, as long as it was privatized. I still don't understand how they get away with calling government evil..ummm, you ARE the government.
Good times!
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I bet the Repubs would support this, as long as it was privatized. I still don't understand how they get away with calling government evil..ummm, you ARE the government.
Good times!
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