Monday, January 19, 2009
Hamas, Israel Join Forces In Public Works Project
JERUSALEM, January 19 - The so-called Palestinian terrorist organization Hamas signed an agreement with Israel to build a subway tunnel connecting Israeli cities with the West Bank, Gaza, Syria, and Lebanon. Known for their outstanding tunneling ability, Hamas leaders say they will now channel their frustrations in a constructive way and make millions of dollars in the process.
"We are delighted that the Hamas leadership finally saw the light and is willing, God be praised, to focus their explosive energies underground," said Israeli foreign minister Tzipi Livni. "I am confident they will complete the task in rocket time."
"We always suspected Israeli moles in our organization but now we realize it was our own members with tiny eyes, hairy arms and tunnel vision making us suspicious," said Hamas spokesman Mahmoud Zahar. "We could have completed Boston's Big Dig in a matter of months instead of years," he proudly proclaimed.
The train will eventually make express stops in Gaza, Jerusalem, West Bank, Tel Aviv, Haifa, Golan Heights, Damascus and Beirut. Stations will alternate with Hebrew and Arabic names, often in memory of prominent leaders. The Moshe Dayan Station, for example, will borrow the single eye over a pyramid graphic from the U.S. dollar bill as a decorative motif. An Arab station may feature cartoon depictions of Allah or low key anti-semitic slogans in graffiti style.
While the Israelis will build the trains and tracks once the tunnel is completed, Hamas will be in charge of developing tourist attractions along the route. One proposed project will be a suicide stadium.
Radical volunteers would be able to blow themselves up under controlled conditions while judges and spectators would watch from a distance. Contestants would be rated by a panel of international judges on the thoroughness of their dismemberment and cash prizes awarded to the winners' families. "We're hoping that this new sport will eventually be included in Olympic competition," Zahar pointed out.
While names such as Metro, Underground, or simply The T were considered for the new transportation system, both parties have agreed to Hamas Transit. Trains will run from sundown Saturday to sundown Friday and will have names such as Mosque Rider and Kike Runner. Prayer rugs and yamakas will be sold at concession stands throughout the system
"It's gratifying to see two arch enemies finally working together," said former Secretary of State Heinz Alfred (Henry) Kissinger. "I've always advised the Palestinians, if the Jew fits, wear it."
"We are delighted that the Hamas leadership finally saw the light and is willing, God be praised, to focus their explosive energies underground," said Israeli foreign minister Tzipi Livni. "I am confident they will complete the task in rocket time."
"We always suspected Israeli moles in our organization but now we realize it was our own members with tiny eyes, hairy arms and tunnel vision making us suspicious," said Hamas spokesman Mahmoud Zahar. "We could have completed Boston's Big Dig in a matter of months instead of years," he proudly proclaimed.
The train will eventually make express stops in Gaza, Jerusalem, West Bank, Tel Aviv, Haifa, Golan Heights, Damascus and Beirut. Stations will alternate with Hebrew and Arabic names, often in memory of prominent leaders. The Moshe Dayan Station, for example, will borrow the single eye over a pyramid graphic from the U.S. dollar bill as a decorative motif. An Arab station may feature cartoon depictions of Allah or low key anti-semitic slogans in graffiti style.
While the Israelis will build the trains and tracks once the tunnel is completed, Hamas will be in charge of developing tourist attractions along the route. One proposed project will be a suicide stadium.
Radical volunteers would be able to blow themselves up under controlled conditions while judges and spectators would watch from a distance. Contestants would be rated by a panel of international judges on the thoroughness of their dismemberment and cash prizes awarded to the winners' families. "We're hoping that this new sport will eventually be included in Olympic competition," Zahar pointed out.
While names such as Metro, Underground, or simply The T were considered for the new transportation system, both parties have agreed to Hamas Transit. Trains will run from sundown Saturday to sundown Friday and will have names such as Mosque Rider and Kike Runner. Prayer rugs and yamakas will be sold at concession stands throughout the system
"It's gratifying to see two arch enemies finally working together," said former Secretary of State Heinz Alfred (Henry) Kissinger. "I've always advised the Palestinians, if the Jew fits, wear it."
