Sunday, January 25, 2009
Christ The Comic Book Character or Superstar?
JERUSALEM, January 25 - Israel's Chief Sephardic Rabbi Shlomo Amar has pardoned a group of Jesus deniers, known as The JDs of Brooklyn, who claim that Christianity was manufactured by disgruntled Jews in 31 A.D. who were spurned in their attempt to include Roman candles in their Hanukah celebration.
Rabbi Amar said the JDs promised to stop eating ham sandwiches and roughing up child-molesting priests in exchange for his blessing. Their beliefs concerning the New Testament, he explained, reflected their personal opinions and not necessarily those of the Jewish faith.
JD Spokesman Bugsie Lieberman noted that Christianity's only contributions to the human race include the Inquisition, the Ku Klux Klan, and over-population. He likened the Pope to a character on Saturday Night Live and expressed amazement how Catholics every few years pull an old, demented geezer out of the closet and make him head of the Church. "It's like Americans pulling a pea-brained frat boy out of the closet and making him President," said Lieberman.
"Jesus was a figment of a writer's imagination, someone like Isaac Bashevis Singer, and the story continued like a newspaper comic strip," Lieberman explained. "In place of TV and radio, these so-called New Testament stories were passed on as part of an oral tradition, keeping the masses entertained for thousands of years," he pointed out.
Catholics around the world fear that Rabbi Amar's pardon will spur anti-semitism and provoke hatred toward Israel. "We just put our stamp of approval on the Holocaust story," said a spokesman for the Pope, "and these JDs have to ruin it all by announcing on Fox News that the Last Supper was really an ancient stag night with strippers and a prelude to a gay marriage ceremony."
Lieberman insists that gay marriage was common at the time and that's why Mary and Joseph, who were working in a Roman pizza parlor, were considered outcasts when Mary got pregnant. "Joseph was the play toy of his Roman boss and it was considered bad form for him to be also screwing one of the waitresses," he said. "It's truly amazing how this perverted story became the basis of a major religion."
Jesus denial can be traced back to the 1970s when the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar opened on Broadway. A whole generation grew up viewing Jesus as a character in pop culture, according to Christian values historian Anita Bryant. "Jesus became a movie star and the gay community adored him," she said. "We fought valiantly to hang the homosexuals back in the closet."
Rabbi Amar explained that Jews will be Jews and the religion needs to embrace everyone of the Hebrew faith even if they served Chinese food at their Bar Mitzvah. "Jesus denial is not kosher," the rabbi admitted. "So who doesn't cheat once in a while and indulge in an egg roll or two?"
Rabbi Amar said the JDs promised to stop eating ham sandwiches and roughing up child-molesting priests in exchange for his blessing. Their beliefs concerning the New Testament, he explained, reflected their personal opinions and not necessarily those of the Jewish faith.
JD Spokesman Bugsie Lieberman noted that Christianity's only contributions to the human race include the Inquisition, the Ku Klux Klan, and over-population. He likened the Pope to a character on Saturday Night Live and expressed amazement how Catholics every few years pull an old, demented geezer out of the closet and make him head of the Church. "It's like Americans pulling a pea-brained frat boy out of the closet and making him President," said Lieberman.
"Jesus was a figment of a writer's imagination, someone like Isaac Bashevis Singer, and the story continued like a newspaper comic strip," Lieberman explained. "In place of TV and radio, these so-called New Testament stories were passed on as part of an oral tradition, keeping the masses entertained for thousands of years," he pointed out.
Catholics around the world fear that Rabbi Amar's pardon will spur anti-semitism and provoke hatred toward Israel. "We just put our stamp of approval on the Holocaust story," said a spokesman for the Pope, "and these JDs have to ruin it all by announcing on Fox News that the Last Supper was really an ancient stag night with strippers and a prelude to a gay marriage ceremony."
Lieberman insists that gay marriage was common at the time and that's why Mary and Joseph, who were working in a Roman pizza parlor, were considered outcasts when Mary got pregnant. "Joseph was the play toy of his Roman boss and it was considered bad form for him to be also screwing one of the waitresses," he said. "It's truly amazing how this perverted story became the basis of a major religion."
Jesus denial can be traced back to the 1970s when the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar opened on Broadway. A whole generation grew up viewing Jesus as a character in pop culture, according to Christian values historian Anita Bryant. "Jesus became a movie star and the gay community adored him," she said. "We fought valiantly to hang the homosexuals back in the closet."
Rabbi Amar explained that Jews will be Jews and the religion needs to embrace everyone of the Hebrew faith even if they served Chinese food at their Bar Mitzvah. "Jesus denial is not kosher," the rabbi admitted. "So who doesn't cheat once in a while and indulge in an egg roll or two?"
