Saturday, October 18, 2008
McCain Finds Another Joe To Make His Economic Case
WASHINGTON, October 18 - Presidential candidate John McCain accused the Obama Economic Plan of hurting small-time entrepreneurs in ghetto neighborhoods. He singled out Joe the Junkie who operates a thriving cocaine distribution network throughout Harlem who, he says, would be forced to pay taxes if Obama is elected president.
"Joe complained to members of my staff that he would not be able to hire more runners, lookouts, and distributors if his profits were taxable," McCain reported. "In addition, under the Obama Plan payoffs to law enforcement personnel would not be tax deductible."
"Joe the Junkie has lifted himself up out of poverty and provides high-paying jobs to his friends and neighbors," McCain added. "This is a good example of how deregulation can help small businesses grow and prosper."
McCain explained that the distribution and sales of illegal drugs have stimulated the underground economy and kept poor people, who usually vote Democratic, away from the voting booths. "If we start taxing Joe the folks in Harlem will end up in dead-end jobs at fast food restaurants or tap dancing at the Apollo Theater.
McCain pointed out that Joe needs the same protections as large corporations who benefit from tax loopholes, creative bookkeeping, and outsourcing. "Joe should be able to open a bank account, write checks, and hire illegal immigrants without having the IRS and INS breathing down his neck," he argued.
"While Obama campaigns for the distribution of wealth Joe is already doing exactly that without big government interference," McCain said. "There are 13 and 14-year-old kids in Harlem working for Joe and making $500 a week and more. They need the money for boom boxes, cell phones and designer jeans. Why should they have to share it with families who already have income from two or more jobs?"
McCain said Joe and his workers would also benefit from a $5,000 tax break that will help them buy life insurance under his economic plan. "These folks risk their lives every day in their line of work. How will their families pay the funeral expenses if they are killed by a rival gang?"
Joe the Junkie refused to talk to reporters about his distribution business. But he admitted to being undecided in the presidential race. "McCain is a little weird and Obama doesn't seem to know the difference between net and gross income," he said. "I may just get high on election day and watch the whole thing on TV. As far as I'm concerned, neither one of those motherfuckers is going to get one dime out of me."
"Joe complained to members of my staff that he would not be able to hire more runners, lookouts, and distributors if his profits were taxable," McCain reported. "In addition, under the Obama Plan payoffs to law enforcement personnel would not be tax deductible."
"Joe the Junkie has lifted himself up out of poverty and provides high-paying jobs to his friends and neighbors," McCain added. "This is a good example of how deregulation can help small businesses grow and prosper."
McCain explained that the distribution and sales of illegal drugs have stimulated the underground economy and kept poor people, who usually vote Democratic, away from the voting booths. "If we start taxing Joe the folks in Harlem will end up in dead-end jobs at fast food restaurants or tap dancing at the Apollo Theater.
McCain pointed out that Joe needs the same protections as large corporations who benefit from tax loopholes, creative bookkeeping, and outsourcing. "Joe should be able to open a bank account, write checks, and hire illegal immigrants without having the IRS and INS breathing down his neck," he argued.
"While Obama campaigns for the distribution of wealth Joe is already doing exactly that without big government interference," McCain said. "There are 13 and 14-year-old kids in Harlem working for Joe and making $500 a week and more. They need the money for boom boxes, cell phones and designer jeans. Why should they have to share it with families who already have income from two or more jobs?"
McCain said Joe and his workers would also benefit from a $5,000 tax break that will help them buy life insurance under his economic plan. "These folks risk their lives every day in their line of work. How will their families pay the funeral expenses if they are killed by a rival gang?"
Joe the Junkie refused to talk to reporters about his distribution business. But he admitted to being undecided in the presidential race. "McCain is a little weird and Obama doesn't seem to know the difference between net and gross income," he said. "I may just get high on election day and watch the whole thing on TV. As far as I'm concerned, neither one of those motherfuckers is going to get one dime out of me."
