Friday, July 18, 2008
Lieberman Pursues His Political Cross-Dressing
WASHINGTON, July 18 - Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, lapsed Democrat of Connecticut, announced he will undergo a foreskin transplant operation on his quest to become a full fledged Republican. The surgery will be performed by Dr. Sheldon Mohel at the NYU Hospital for Joint Diseases in New York.
Lieberman took his first step toward the political right by running for the Senate as an Independent when he lost the Democratic nomination. He recently came closer to the political abyss by supporting John McCain's presidential bid and agreeing to be a featured speaker at the Republican National Convention.
Lieberman compared his plight to those transgendered individuals who realize they are trapped in the body of the wrong sex. "I always knew I was a conservative Republican but as a Jew from Connecticut I needed to be dressed as a Democrat," he explained.
As part of his conversion therapy Lieberman will take high doses of testosterone, have a nose job, and add white bread, mayonnaise, and pork products to his diet. "Chicken soup is for wimps," he proclaimed. "I just want to be one of the good-old-boys," he added. "I've done more than my share for the poor and downtrodden. It's about time I helped the rich get richer," admitted the Connecticut Senator.
Lieberman reportedly made contact with Jews For Jesus hoping to find a religious middle ground that will satisfy his soon-to-be Republican colleagues. He said he is looking forward to celebrating Christmas and Easter next year and may even don an Easter Bunny outfit at the annual White House egg roll if McCain becomes president.
One Senate Democrat refusing to be quoted by name, cited Lieberman as a good example of the difference between an anus and an asshole. "Anuses don't switch political parties," he pointed out.
Before Lieberman takes the final leap he reportedly will burn a copy of the Constitution, declare war on Iran, and vow to place Alberto Gonzales on the Supreme Court. Then Dick Cheney will place a white hood over Lieberman's head, place his hand on the Bible, and two men will sing the Halliburton Oath to the tune of God Bless America.
McCain has proposed, if elected, putting Lieberman in charge of the "Muslim Question." He said Lieberman's heritage makes him the ideal candidate to develop a "final solution" to the Muslim terrorism threat.
"Heil McCain! Onward Christian Soldiers!" responded Lieberman who has pledged to do whatever is required as a "good Republican." Uncircumcised Democrats have volunteered to donate an "ounce of flesh" to the cause.
Lieberman took his first step toward the political right by running for the Senate as an Independent when he lost the Democratic nomination. He recently came closer to the political abyss by supporting John McCain's presidential bid and agreeing to be a featured speaker at the Republican National Convention.
Lieberman compared his plight to those transgendered individuals who realize they are trapped in the body of the wrong sex. "I always knew I was a conservative Republican but as a Jew from Connecticut I needed to be dressed as a Democrat," he explained.
As part of his conversion therapy Lieberman will take high doses of testosterone, have a nose job, and add white bread, mayonnaise, and pork products to his diet. "Chicken soup is for wimps," he proclaimed. "I just want to be one of the good-old-boys," he added. "I've done more than my share for the poor and downtrodden. It's about time I helped the rich get richer," admitted the Connecticut Senator.
Lieberman reportedly made contact with Jews For Jesus hoping to find a religious middle ground that will satisfy his soon-to-be Republican colleagues. He said he is looking forward to celebrating Christmas and Easter next year and may even don an Easter Bunny outfit at the annual White House egg roll if McCain becomes president.
One Senate Democrat refusing to be quoted by name, cited Lieberman as a good example of the difference between an anus and an asshole. "Anuses don't switch political parties," he pointed out.
Before Lieberman takes the final leap he reportedly will burn a copy of the Constitution, declare war on Iran, and vow to place Alberto Gonzales on the Supreme Court. Then Dick Cheney will place a white hood over Lieberman's head, place his hand on the Bible, and two men will sing the Halliburton Oath to the tune of God Bless America.
McCain has proposed, if elected, putting Lieberman in charge of the "Muslim Question." He said Lieberman's heritage makes him the ideal candidate to develop a "final solution" to the Muslim terrorism threat.
"Heil McCain! Onward Christian Soldiers!" responded Lieberman who has pledged to do whatever is required as a "good Republican." Uncircumcised Democrats have volunteered to donate an "ounce of flesh" to the cause.
