Thursday, July 19, 2007
School Lunch Program Headed For The Trash
WASHINGTON, July 19 - President Bush is threatening to veto a bill to extend the school lunch programs for low income children. Citing the increasing costs for the war in Iraq, the president said the American people need to make sacrifices so the Iraqi people can live peacefully in a democracy.
The president pointed out that America is so prosperous good food is thrown into the trash all the time. "Just look in any dumpster and you will find all sorts of edible, nutritious food from discarded pizzas to over ripe fruits," he said. "Hungry kids will always find something to eat."
Republican presidential candidate John McCain noted he survived on a minimal diet when he was a prisoner of war and claimed "scrounging for food builds character." He said there is nothing wrong with a lunch of bread and water. "There's always a stale crust of bread in even the poorest household."
Mitt Romney, who is running for president on a platform of "family values," cited "fasting" as a vital component of his Mormon religion. "The Jews fast for Yom Kippur, the Catholics give up certain foods for Lent, and the Muslims don't eat at all during the day for the month of Ramadan," Romney pointed out. "What's wrong with kids occasionally missing their lunch?"
The Republican frontrunner in the presidential campaign, Rudolph Giuliani, offered a compromise. He recommended closing down all school cafeterias to limit any potential conflicts between the haves and the have-nots. "If you don't see other students eating lunch you won't miss it yourself," he reasoned. "I skip lunch all the time when I'm on the campaign trail."
President Bush proposed that grocery chains and other markets donate old and outdated food products to the school lunch programs. "It's time we stop wasting food that would be welcomed in any third-world country," he said. "With all the junk foods most kids eat today their stomachs should be able to handle a little ripeness and rancidity."
Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt recommended shipping surplus ketchup to schools in poor neighborhoods. "Ketchup is a vegetable," he said. "Kids can pour it over food they find in the trash. It's a lot healthier than letting them eat cake," he explained.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales noted the Constitution does not guarantee a free lunch. He warned that anyone who filed a lawsuit in federal court in an attempt to force the government to fund the school lunch program could be cited as a "potential terrorist" and sent to undisclosed locations for interrogation. "That should give folks food for thought," he said.
Republican lawmakers, united behind President Bush, threatened to filibuster any attempt by Democrats to restore funding. "If we give kids free lunches the next thing they'll want is free health care," warned Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.
The president pointed out that America is so prosperous good food is thrown into the trash all the time. "Just look in any dumpster and you will find all sorts of edible, nutritious food from discarded pizzas to over ripe fruits," he said. "Hungry kids will always find something to eat."
Republican presidential candidate John McCain noted he survived on a minimal diet when he was a prisoner of war and claimed "scrounging for food builds character." He said there is nothing wrong with a lunch of bread and water. "There's always a stale crust of bread in even the poorest household."
Mitt Romney, who is running for president on a platform of "family values," cited "fasting" as a vital component of his Mormon religion. "The Jews fast for Yom Kippur, the Catholics give up certain foods for Lent, and the Muslims don't eat at all during the day for the month of Ramadan," Romney pointed out. "What's wrong with kids occasionally missing their lunch?"
The Republican frontrunner in the presidential campaign, Rudolph Giuliani, offered a compromise. He recommended closing down all school cafeterias to limit any potential conflicts between the haves and the have-nots. "If you don't see other students eating lunch you won't miss it yourself," he reasoned. "I skip lunch all the time when I'm on the campaign trail."
President Bush proposed that grocery chains and other markets donate old and outdated food products to the school lunch programs. "It's time we stop wasting food that would be welcomed in any third-world country," he said. "With all the junk foods most kids eat today their stomachs should be able to handle a little ripeness and rancidity."
Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt recommended shipping surplus ketchup to schools in poor neighborhoods. "Ketchup is a vegetable," he said. "Kids can pour it over food they find in the trash. It's a lot healthier than letting them eat cake," he explained.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales noted the Constitution does not guarantee a free lunch. He warned that anyone who filed a lawsuit in federal court in an attempt to force the government to fund the school lunch program could be cited as a "potential terrorist" and sent to undisclosed locations for interrogation. "That should give folks food for thought," he said.
Republican lawmakers, united behind President Bush, threatened to filibuster any attempt by Democrats to restore funding. "If we give kids free lunches the next thing they'll want is free health care," warned Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.
