Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Rice To Realign Her Gender Priorities
WASHINGTON, April 3 - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that she will undergo a sex change operation in the coming months. "I want to be able to negotiate man-to-man with world leaders," she said. "I can be more effective if I can light up a cigar with the boys at the end of a long day."
President Bush initially said he was not pleased with Rice's announcement and he may ask her to resign. "I hired a woman to do a man's job," he explained. "If I wanted a man doing a woman's job I would have hired a real man," he said.
Growing up, Rice admitted she was always envious of the boys. "I used to wear my father's Jockey shorts," she said. "And when I played with my international dolls I would tell them to behave or I would blow their heads off."
Rice pointed out that any name change would be minor. She is considering Colineezza in deference to her predecessor at the State Department. "It will be a breath of fresh air when world leaders stop calling me a 'bitch' behind my back," she said.
This would be the first time a member of a president's cabinet had a sex change operation while in office. Although it was rumored that White House officials in the Nixon Administration would occasionally party in drag at Camp David, it is not known whether any of them had sexual realignment surgery.
Both Arab and Israeli leaders said they would welcome the change. "Women should stay at home cooking and making babies," said a Palestinian official who requested anonymity. "When Rice becomes a man it will be much easier for her to kick ass with the Arabs," commented an Israeli diplomat who asked not be identified.
The religious right is reportedly putting pressure on President Bush to fire his Secretary of State because, they say, the Bible condemns sex changes in either direction. According to Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family, "God warned us about a wolf in lamb's clothing. I don't care what the surgeons do to her," he said, "she will never be allowed in the men's room in my church."
Rice said she will be undeterred by any negative criticism. "Someone has to wear the pants in this administration and I intend to do it," she insisted. "The so-called 'real men' who are in charge are making a mess of our country. It's time for someone with a new set of balls to straighten things out."
According to a White House spokesman, Bush now says he has complete confidence in his Secretary of State and staying on the job will be up to him or her. However, Rice will have to testify and defend her decision before Congress and she may have to undergo a new confirmation hearing.
"If I buy some rice and when I get home I find out I have potatoes in the bag someone's going to have a lot of explaining to do," said Utah Senator Orrin Hatch.
President Bush initially said he was not pleased with Rice's announcement and he may ask her to resign. "I hired a woman to do a man's job," he explained. "If I wanted a man doing a woman's job I would have hired a real man," he said.
Growing up, Rice admitted she was always envious of the boys. "I used to wear my father's Jockey shorts," she said. "And when I played with my international dolls I would tell them to behave or I would blow their heads off."
Rice pointed out that any name change would be minor. She is considering Colineezza in deference to her predecessor at the State Department. "It will be a breath of fresh air when world leaders stop calling me a 'bitch' behind my back," she said.
This would be the first time a member of a president's cabinet had a sex change operation while in office. Although it was rumored that White House officials in the Nixon Administration would occasionally party in drag at Camp David, it is not known whether any of them had sexual realignment surgery.
Both Arab and Israeli leaders said they would welcome the change. "Women should stay at home cooking and making babies," said a Palestinian official who requested anonymity. "When Rice becomes a man it will be much easier for her to kick ass with the Arabs," commented an Israeli diplomat who asked not be identified.
The religious right is reportedly putting pressure on President Bush to fire his Secretary of State because, they say, the Bible condemns sex changes in either direction. According to Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family, "God warned us about a wolf in lamb's clothing. I don't care what the surgeons do to her," he said, "she will never be allowed in the men's room in my church."
Rice said she will be undeterred by any negative criticism. "Someone has to wear the pants in this administration and I intend to do it," she insisted. "The so-called 'real men' who are in charge are making a mess of our country. It's time for someone with a new set of balls to straighten things out."
According to a White House spokesman, Bush now says he has complete confidence in his Secretary of State and staying on the job will be up to him or her. However, Rice will have to testify and defend her decision before Congress and she may have to undergo a new confirmation hearing.
"If I buy some rice and when I get home I find out I have potatoes in the bag someone's going to have a lot of explaining to do," said Utah Senator Orrin Hatch.
