Saturday, January 06, 2007
President Ford Considered For Sainthood
THE VATICAN, January 6 - Former President Gerald Ford was nominated for sainthood by former Archbishop of Boston Bernard Cardinal Law. Although Ford was an Episcopalian, a religion leading its flock to the lower depths, according to Law, Ford deserves a better afterlife, the ex-bishop proclaimed.
"Anyone who shows compassion for the poor, the tired, the humble, and Richard Nixon is a saint in my book," Law said. "Not only did he pardon Nixon, but also the Vietnam-era draft dodgers, and his booze guzzling, dope addicted wife."
Although Law resigned in disgrace for ignoring the sexual abuse of young boys in his dioceses, he was later pardoned by Pope Benedict XVI. "I am personally familiar with pardons," Law admits. "And I embrace President Ford who confided to me that he would have pardoned all the priests who molested children, corporate crooks like Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, and serial killers like Ted Bundy if he had the power."
Law insists that Ford had all the makings of a saint. He was adopted when a Michigan couple found an abandoned baby on the 30-yard line, he later proved his bravery by playing football without a helmet, and he agreed to appear on Saturday Night Live where he was often ridiculed for being intellectually and physically challenged.
Although Ford was known to trip over his own feet and to insist that Poland was a U.S. Protectorate, he did have many redeeming qualities, Law points out. He helped Wendell Willkie win in Michigan against Franklin Roosevelt, he promoted the idea of impeaching Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas for providing an article in a magazine containing, in Ford's opinion, pornographic material, and allowed political unknowns such as Henry Kissinger, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney an opportunity to run the country while he caught up on the latest gossip in his hometown newspaper.
"I am not a Cadillac. I'm just a humble Edsel," Ford would tell his followers as he campaigned for President against Jimmy Carter. Although he accused Carter of having a brain the size of a peanut for submitting to an interview in Playboy Magazine during the campaign, he later retracted that comment by admitting he confused peanuts with walnuts. "It takes a saint to admit one's errors," Law points out.
While Pope Benedict XVI had no immediate comment about the nomination his advisors expressed concern about the nature of Ford's demise. It is believed that Ford was helping some Catholic friends clean a Michigan church when he was hit in the head with a large wooden cross. "Christ All Mighty!" were reportedly his last words.
"Anyone who shows compassion for the poor, the tired, the humble, and Richard Nixon is a saint in my book," Law said. "Not only did he pardon Nixon, but also the Vietnam-era draft dodgers, and his booze guzzling, dope addicted wife."
Although Law resigned in disgrace for ignoring the sexual abuse of young boys in his dioceses, he was later pardoned by Pope Benedict XVI. "I am personally familiar with pardons," Law admits. "And I embrace President Ford who confided to me that he would have pardoned all the priests who molested children, corporate crooks like Enron CEO Kenneth Lay, and serial killers like Ted Bundy if he had the power."
Law insists that Ford had all the makings of a saint. He was adopted when a Michigan couple found an abandoned baby on the 30-yard line, he later proved his bravery by playing football without a helmet, and he agreed to appear on Saturday Night Live where he was often ridiculed for being intellectually and physically challenged.
Although Ford was known to trip over his own feet and to insist that Poland was a U.S. Protectorate, he did have many redeeming qualities, Law points out. He helped Wendell Willkie win in Michigan against Franklin Roosevelt, he promoted the idea of impeaching Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas for providing an article in a magazine containing, in Ford's opinion, pornographic material, and allowed political unknowns such as Henry Kissinger, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney an opportunity to run the country while he caught up on the latest gossip in his hometown newspaper.
"I am not a Cadillac. I'm just a humble Edsel," Ford would tell his followers as he campaigned for President against Jimmy Carter. Although he accused Carter of having a brain the size of a peanut for submitting to an interview in Playboy Magazine during the campaign, he later retracted that comment by admitting he confused peanuts with walnuts. "It takes a saint to admit one's errors," Law points out.
While Pope Benedict XVI had no immediate comment about the nomination his advisors expressed concern about the nature of Ford's demise. It is believed that Ford was helping some Catholic friends clean a Michigan church when he was hit in the head with a large wooden cross. "Christ All Mighty!" were reportedly his last words.
