Saturday, March 04, 2006
Cheney To Retire At End Of Year
WASHINGTON, March 4 - In an exclusive interview with Cheaters and Liars, Vice-President Dick Cheney announced that he will be retiring from the vice-presidency at the end of this year. He says he wants to start a hog farm in Texas, spend more time hunting, and support organizations that are struggling for a strong, white Christian America.
"Hogs are animals I can easily identify with," admits the vice-president. "They know exactly what they want and will rout wherever they damn please without worrying their little brains about the consequences."
Cheney also wants to devote time supporting various militias, such as the Texas Rough Riders, working to keep the "Mex out of Tex." In addition, the vice-president plans to add his name in support of state legislation to end most appeals of death row inmates proposed by a grass-roots committee called the Texas Friars. "It's time we stop coddling convicted murderers," Cheney says. According to the Friars, murderers should "squirm while they burn," and Cheney wholeheartedly endorses this sentiment.
For relaxation, Cheney says he wants to take the next step in his hunting skills from shooting from a blind to simply shooting blind. The object is to develop one's hearing sensitivity, according to the vice-president, so you can hit the game blindfolded. While he admits accidents can happen, especially during the initial learning stages, he says he plans to have an attorney at his side just in case he inadvertently shoots a fellow hunter. "I don't want to get egg on my face just because I put a few pellets in someone else's."
The vice-president will be retiring prior to the end of his second term in office because, he says, he is "sick and tired" of working with a president whom he describes as a "pea-brained puppet." Cheney concedes that he's "bored pulling the strings" and would rather "shoot from the hip" instead of working with an administration that is always "shooting itself in the foot." He insists that "compassionate conservatism" is a "load of hogwash."
"Let's face it," argues the vice-president, "the American constitution is outdated and it's time we gave up many of our freedoms to make our country safe for democracy." Cheney believes that George Orwell had it right in his book "1984" and the United States should have implemented many of Orwell's ideas years ago. "There shouldn't be all this fuss about starting wars, wiretapping, and torture," Cheney argues. "We could eliminate all crime and terrorism with a president who has the balls to let the military run the country."
In the meantime, Cheney will keep busy consorting with his hogs and making the transition from political pork to unencumbered pigheadedness. He also plans to offer farming jobs to any "displaced New Orleans negro who wants to do some honest work." He says he will be offering rent-free shacks and all the pork rinds one can eat in exchange for working a ten-hour day, seven days a week. The incentive for working hard, he says, will be an opportunity for a houseboy job under the supervision of Colin Powell. "I will even have a professional shoveling position ready and waiting for little Georgie Boy in 2009."
"Hogs are animals I can easily identify with," admits the vice-president. "They know exactly what they want and will rout wherever they damn please without worrying their little brains about the consequences."
Cheney also wants to devote time supporting various militias, such as the Texas Rough Riders, working to keep the "Mex out of Tex." In addition, the vice-president plans to add his name in support of state legislation to end most appeals of death row inmates proposed by a grass-roots committee called the Texas Friars. "It's time we stop coddling convicted murderers," Cheney says. According to the Friars, murderers should "squirm while they burn," and Cheney wholeheartedly endorses this sentiment.
For relaxation, Cheney says he wants to take the next step in his hunting skills from shooting from a blind to simply shooting blind. The object is to develop one's hearing sensitivity, according to the vice-president, so you can hit the game blindfolded. While he admits accidents can happen, especially during the initial learning stages, he says he plans to have an attorney at his side just in case he inadvertently shoots a fellow hunter. "I don't want to get egg on my face just because I put a few pellets in someone else's."
The vice-president will be retiring prior to the end of his second term in office because, he says, he is "sick and tired" of working with a president whom he describes as a "pea-brained puppet." Cheney concedes that he's "bored pulling the strings" and would rather "shoot from the hip" instead of working with an administration that is always "shooting itself in the foot." He insists that "compassionate conservatism" is a "load of hogwash."
"Let's face it," argues the vice-president, "the American constitution is outdated and it's time we gave up many of our freedoms to make our country safe for democracy." Cheney believes that George Orwell had it right in his book "1984" and the United States should have implemented many of Orwell's ideas years ago. "There shouldn't be all this fuss about starting wars, wiretapping, and torture," Cheney argues. "We could eliminate all crime and terrorism with a president who has the balls to let the military run the country."
In the meantime, Cheney will keep busy consorting with his hogs and making the transition from political pork to unencumbered pigheadedness. He also plans to offer farming jobs to any "displaced New Orleans negro who wants to do some honest work." He says he will be offering rent-free shacks and all the pork rinds one can eat in exchange for working a ten-hour day, seven days a week. The incentive for working hard, he says, will be an opportunity for a houseboy job under the supervision of Colin Powell. "I will even have a professional shoveling position ready and waiting for little Georgie Boy in 2009."
