Friday, December 02, 2005
U.S. Sells Bogus Stories to Iraqi Newspapers
WASHINGTON, Dec. 2 - As part of an information offensive in Iraq, the U.S. government is secretly paying Iraqi newspapers to publish stories written by an American public relations agency in an effort to burnish the image of the U.S. mission in Iraq.
One recent article had President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney exchanging rings in a civil union. "We must set an example for the Iraqi people about the importance of freedom," the president was quoted as saying. "Although Dick and I are married we are free to express our love publicly in a democracy, without fear," he added.
Bush went on to explain in the article that he wanted to be remembered as the American president who put homophobia to rest. "It took one conservative Republican to recognize China and another to stop gay bashing," he said. "The people of Iraq should be free to pursue their hearts whether it be beastiality, S&M, or dominatrix relationships."
Iraqi reaction to this article was mixed. While many Muslim clerics saw this as one more example of Bush trying to pervert their country, men on the street said Bush appeared to be a "cool dude" and they would love to come to America to experience new forms of sexual expression. "Saddam had the whips and chains but he never used them for fun," commented one young man who described himself as a "student of the Koran."
Back in Washington, Democrats were in an uproar. "The next thing will be an article about Condoleezza Rice having sex with an elephant in the Washington Zoo," commented Senator John Kerry. "Perhaps it would be OK with a donkey, but a pachyderm is obscene," he added.
Other articles provided to Iraqi newspapers told about the introduction of western culture in Iraq including junk food, heavy metal music, and girlie magazines. "If the Iraqis are kept busy with western vices they'll be too busy enjoying themselves instead of thinking about blowing themselves up in public," commented an American public relations specialist who requested anonymity. "We need to make them fat, lazy, and sexually satisfied so we can pull out quickly," he added.
When questioned about these articles, White House spokesman Scott McClellan insisted the Administration knew nothing about this situation. "We are totally in the dark about lots of things that go on in Iraq," he said.
One recent article had President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney exchanging rings in a civil union. "We must set an example for the Iraqi people about the importance of freedom," the president was quoted as saying. "Although Dick and I are married we are free to express our love publicly in a democracy, without fear," he added.
Bush went on to explain in the article that he wanted to be remembered as the American president who put homophobia to rest. "It took one conservative Republican to recognize China and another to stop gay bashing," he said. "The people of Iraq should be free to pursue their hearts whether it be beastiality, S&M, or dominatrix relationships."
Iraqi reaction to this article was mixed. While many Muslim clerics saw this as one more example of Bush trying to pervert their country, men on the street said Bush appeared to be a "cool dude" and they would love to come to America to experience new forms of sexual expression. "Saddam had the whips and chains but he never used them for fun," commented one young man who described himself as a "student of the Koran."
Back in Washington, Democrats were in an uproar. "The next thing will be an article about Condoleezza Rice having sex with an elephant in the Washington Zoo," commented Senator John Kerry. "Perhaps it would be OK with a donkey, but a pachyderm is obscene," he added.
Other articles provided to Iraqi newspapers told about the introduction of western culture in Iraq including junk food, heavy metal music, and girlie magazines. "If the Iraqis are kept busy with western vices they'll be too busy enjoying themselves instead of thinking about blowing themselves up in public," commented an American public relations specialist who requested anonymity. "We need to make them fat, lazy, and sexually satisfied so we can pull out quickly," he added.
When questioned about these articles, White House spokesman Scott McClellan insisted the Administration knew nothing about this situation. "We are totally in the dark about lots of things that go on in Iraq," he said.
