Thursday, December 08, 2005
Senate Debates Intelligent Design
WASHINGTON, Dec. 8 - Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist proposed a constitutional amendment that would make "Intelligent Design" the country's doctrine. "Americans were put on this earth," he said, "by the miraculous workings of a supreme being." He claimed that Christ went to the cross "for all of us" and we should not insult His memory by clinging to the notion of man evolving from the apes.
Frist cited Darwin's theory of evolution as a Zionist plot to degrade a Christian country. "The Jews crucified our Savior and now they want to reduce Christian America to the lowest level of black Africa," he said. "Negroes, Jews, and Democrats may have hairy ancestors but most of white, Republican America was created in God's image," he pointed out.
The majority leader expressed annoyance as Senator Joe Biden, Deleware Democrat, started jumping up and down while scratching his armpits in the middle of Frist's speech. "Intelligent Design is no joke," shouted Frist. "Toss me a banana," responded Biden.
Senator Orin Hatch, Utah Republican, said there was no better explanation for the complexity and uniqueness of man than the intervention of a higher being. "Men have been killing each other for thousands of years," replied Senator Edward Kennedy, Massachusetts Democrat. "I wouldn't call that design particularly intelligent," he said.
"I'm a member of the Stork Club," announced Senator Dianne Feinstein, California Democrat, while flapping her arms. "I was delivered air mail, no fuss, no muss," she said.
"If you think I'll go apeshit over your racist remarks you don't know beans how we black folk inhabited the earth," interrupted Barack Obama, Illionois Democrat, referring to Frist's remarks. "We descended from the wise old owl while the likes of you must have had some fool turkey in your family tree."
"Did I hear somebody say something unkind about the Jews?" questioned Senator Joseph Liberman, Connecticut Democrat.
Senate President Dick Cheney pounded his gavel for order. "For Christ's sake," he shouted above the din, "are we here for a biology lesson or do we have more important matters to take up like a tax cut for the super rich?" he asked. Meanwhile, a group of female senators, including Hillary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, and Elizabeth Dole, broke into a chorus of "Aba, daba, daba, daba, daba, daba, dab said the Monkey to the Chimp" while their colleagues kept time clapping their hands.
"Three cheers for immaculate conception," shouted one unidentified senator from the floor. "Too many old fossils in this chamber," shouted another.
By this time, Frist appeared to lose control. "You're a bunch of cookie-baking, baby making, ignorant housewives," he shouted at the women who were on the third verse of the song. "Any minute I'm going to pull your feeding tubes so we Republican men can get back to running the country!" he exclaimed.
Frist cited Darwin's theory of evolution as a Zionist plot to degrade a Christian country. "The Jews crucified our Savior and now they want to reduce Christian America to the lowest level of black Africa," he said. "Negroes, Jews, and Democrats may have hairy ancestors but most of white, Republican America was created in God's image," he pointed out.
The majority leader expressed annoyance as Senator Joe Biden, Deleware Democrat, started jumping up and down while scratching his armpits in the middle of Frist's speech. "Intelligent Design is no joke," shouted Frist. "Toss me a banana," responded Biden.
Senator Orin Hatch, Utah Republican, said there was no better explanation for the complexity and uniqueness of man than the intervention of a higher being. "Men have been killing each other for thousands of years," replied Senator Edward Kennedy, Massachusetts Democrat. "I wouldn't call that design particularly intelligent," he said.
"I'm a member of the Stork Club," announced Senator Dianne Feinstein, California Democrat, while flapping her arms. "I was delivered air mail, no fuss, no muss," she said.
"If you think I'll go apeshit over your racist remarks you don't know beans how we black folk inhabited the earth," interrupted Barack Obama, Illionois Democrat, referring to Frist's remarks. "We descended from the wise old owl while the likes of you must have had some fool turkey in your family tree."
"Did I hear somebody say something unkind about the Jews?" questioned Senator Joseph Liberman, Connecticut Democrat.
Senate President Dick Cheney pounded his gavel for order. "For Christ's sake," he shouted above the din, "are we here for a biology lesson or do we have more important matters to take up like a tax cut for the super rich?" he asked. Meanwhile, a group of female senators, including Hillary Clinton, Barbara Boxer, and Elizabeth Dole, broke into a chorus of "Aba, daba, daba, daba, daba, daba, dab said the Monkey to the Chimp" while their colleagues kept time clapping their hands.
"Three cheers for immaculate conception," shouted one unidentified senator from the floor. "Too many old fossils in this chamber," shouted another.
By this time, Frist appeared to lose control. "You're a bunch of cookie-baking, baby making, ignorant housewives," he shouted at the women who were on the third verse of the song. "Any minute I'm going to pull your feeding tubes so we Republican men can get back to running the country!" he exclaimed.
