Monday, May 23, 2011
Republicans Get Serious About Clowning Around
WASHINGTON DC - In an act of desperation the Republican National Committee has sent out help wanted notices to American clown schools and colleges seeking applicants for presidential candidates. The dwindling number of Republican politicians willing to challenge President Obama in 2012 and the poor quality of those who remain in the race have motivated the party’s leadership to seek a unique alternative.
“We have found some of the same attributes among our members as those who seek clowning as a profession,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. “The Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Clown College, for example, looks for applicants to have ‘an overactive funny bone, a heart the size of Alaska, improvisational ability, a sense of timing, and a sincere desire to be a clown.’”
Priebus admitted that a number of Republican presidential contenders were the “wrong kind of clowns” but a clown who is not a lawyer and takes his or her profession seriously could make a strong presidential candidate. “How could President Obama challenge a clown with a heart the size of Alaska and how could the voting public resist a Republican with a sense of humor,” Priebus added.
Priebus noted that clown schools hold classes in character development, improvisation, makeup, pantomime, gag development and the physical skills of slaps and falls. He said these skills are more relevant than law school for the job of President of the United States and public opinion just might agree. “We may even have our nominee wear a big red bubble nose at the debates,” Priebus mused.
Other Republican leaders including Speaker of the House John Boehner have welcomed the idea of bringing more clowns into the Republican Party. “Gingrich, Palin and Joe ‘you’re a liar’ Wilson all have clowning potential,” said Boehner, “but they need to work on their gag development before they could be strong presidential candidates.”
The ideal Republican presidential ticket would be a graduate of a clown college together with a graduate of a Bible college, according to Boehner. “They could be a Laurel and Hardy team or a Groucho and Harpo Marx,” he suggested. “Then they could get away with making fun of Obama’s questionable citizenship, telling homophobic jokes or performing in black face.”
A spokesman for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Clown College said they will begin offering classes for clowns, such as Hypocrisy Lite, for those who want to be politicians. “The Republican National Committee has offered to fund the program and we agree that Republicans have already demonstrated raw talent in our profession,” he said.
“We have found some of the same attributes among our members as those who seek clowning as a profession,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus. “The Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Clown College, for example, looks for applicants to have ‘an overactive funny bone, a heart the size of Alaska, improvisational ability, a sense of timing, and a sincere desire to be a clown.’”
Priebus admitted that a number of Republican presidential contenders were the “wrong kind of clowns” but a clown who is not a lawyer and takes his or her profession seriously could make a strong presidential candidate. “How could President Obama challenge a clown with a heart the size of Alaska and how could the voting public resist a Republican with a sense of humor,” Priebus added.
Priebus noted that clown schools hold classes in character development, improvisation, makeup, pantomime, gag development and the physical skills of slaps and falls. He said these skills are more relevant than law school for the job of President of the United States and public opinion just might agree. “We may even have our nominee wear a big red bubble nose at the debates,” Priebus mused.
Other Republican leaders including Speaker of the House John Boehner have welcomed the idea of bringing more clowns into the Republican Party. “Gingrich, Palin and Joe ‘you’re a liar’ Wilson all have clowning potential,” said Boehner, “but they need to work on their gag development before they could be strong presidential candidates.”
The ideal Republican presidential ticket would be a graduate of a clown college together with a graduate of a Bible college, according to Boehner. “They could be a Laurel and Hardy team or a Groucho and Harpo Marx,” he suggested. “Then they could get away with making fun of Obama’s questionable citizenship, telling homophobic jokes or performing in black face.”
A spokesman for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Clown College said they will begin offering classes for clowns, such as Hypocrisy Lite, for those who want to be politicians. “The Republican National Committee has offered to fund the program and we agree that Republicans have already demonstrated raw talent in our profession,” he said.
