Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Lieberman Weighs His Political Options
WASHINGTON, November 11 - Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman has been offered a variety of political appointments now that his support of failed presidential candidate John McCain has come to an end. Lieberman, who virtually abandoned the Democratic Party to run as an independent in 2006 and then supported the Republican presidential ticket, has served as Chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee and caucused with the Democrats these past two years.
While Democrats want to strip the Connecticut Senator of his chairmanship, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid offered the duplicitous Lieberman a bone -- chairman of the Capitol Maintenance Subcommittee. This humble body, says Reid, oversees the sweeping and waxing before any legislation comes to the floor. "We may even throw in responsibility for the Capitol restrooms to give the position some gravitas," offered Reid.
At the same time, Alaska Governor and former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is trying to lure Lieberman to her home state to head her 2012 presidential exploratory committee. Palin claims she can "learn the ropes" in the next four years and would consider Lieberman as her running mate. "The combination of an Evangelical Christian rabid hockey mom and an Orthodox Jewish gladiator would be a winning ticket and an historic event," she says.
A third option, according to Iraqi Ambassador to the U.S. Samir Shakir al-Sumaydi, is an offer from his government to represent their country as a Washington lobbyist. Lieberman would reportedly receive a percentage of the country's oil exports by working for continued U.S. military support. "We are so eager to bring Lieberman on board we have offered to name a mosque after him and make Passover a national holiday in our country," said al-Sumaydi.
The Connecticut senator has refused to comment about these offers but he has confided to close friends and associates his dream of going back to his roots and opening a discount haberdashery on the lower eastside of Manhattan. "Lieberman would make an outstanding salesman. The job would suit him," offered his longtime friend John McCain. "The fact he supports Israel unequivocally would make Lieberman's a magnet for every Bar Mitzvah boy in the city."
While Lieberman has the option of caucusing with the Republicans and becoming a right to life proponent, he fears it would alienate his Connecticut constituents. "I am a maverick," he says. "I could become president-elect Barack Obama's biggest cheerleader, convert to Islam, or have an affair with a young, gorgeous Washington shiksa. I think I'll just keep the beltway busybodies guessing for a while. Who knows what Joe Lieberman will do next?"
While Democrats want to strip the Connecticut Senator of his chairmanship, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid offered the duplicitous Lieberman a bone -- chairman of the Capitol Maintenance Subcommittee. This humble body, says Reid, oversees the sweeping and waxing before any legislation comes to the floor. "We may even throw in responsibility for the Capitol restrooms to give the position some gravitas," offered Reid.
At the same time, Alaska Governor and former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is trying to lure Lieberman to her home state to head her 2012 presidential exploratory committee. Palin claims she can "learn the ropes" in the next four years and would consider Lieberman as her running mate. "The combination of an Evangelical Christian rabid hockey mom and an Orthodox Jewish gladiator would be a winning ticket and an historic event," she says.
A third option, according to Iraqi Ambassador to the U.S. Samir Shakir al-Sumaydi, is an offer from his government to represent their country as a Washington lobbyist. Lieberman would reportedly receive a percentage of the country's oil exports by working for continued U.S. military support. "We are so eager to bring Lieberman on board we have offered to name a mosque after him and make Passover a national holiday in our country," said al-Sumaydi.
The Connecticut senator has refused to comment about these offers but he has confided to close friends and associates his dream of going back to his roots and opening a discount haberdashery on the lower eastside of Manhattan. "Lieberman would make an outstanding salesman. The job would suit him," offered his longtime friend John McCain. "The fact he supports Israel unequivocally would make Lieberman's a magnet for every Bar Mitzvah boy in the city."
While Lieberman has the option of caucusing with the Republicans and becoming a right to life proponent, he fears it would alienate his Connecticut constituents. "I am a maverick," he says. "I could become president-elect Barack Obama's biggest cheerleader, convert to Islam, or have an affair with a young, gorgeous Washington shiksa. I think I'll just keep the beltway busybodies guessing for a while. Who knows what Joe Lieberman will do next?"
