Friday, December 12, 2008
Blagojevich Looks East For Greater Profits
CHICAGO, December 12 - Accusations against Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich concerning the reported auctioning of a vacant Senate seat and extorting money from State contractors appear to be only a prelude to a multi-act dirge. According to State and Federal investigators, Blagojevich, among a number of illegal schemes, was making inquiries about selling the State of Illinois to the Chinese.
Despite the fact that the U.S. Constitution makes no provisions for conveying a state's sovereignty to a foreign power, the governor was apparently trying to hoodwink the Chinese, claiming Illinois would secede from the Union if the Chinese came up with enough cash.
"Illinois has a number of assets of interest to the Chinese," said a State official who requested anonymity. "The state's professional football, basketball and baseball teams under the Chinese banner would greatly enhance their world image. And there's room to erect a Mao Zedong Memorial right next to the Wild Bill Hickok Memorial in Springfield."
Blagojevich also hinted that the take-out Chinese food business in his State was up for grabs. "Everyone talks about Chicago-style pizza, but pork fried rice and egg roll in our State are the sleeping giants," he told the Chinese Ambassador in a recorded wiretap.
Other benefits to the Chinese, according to the State official, would be to keep the Dalai Lama from landing at O'Hare Airport, make Chicago's Chinatown a duty-free economic zone, and quickly arrest and send to prison the Chicago Tribune's editorial writers. "They would write nasty articles about your leaders," Blagojevich warned the ambassador.
The governor expressed confidence that the people of Illinois would accept the Chinese without question. "They habitually elect corrupt politicians. A no nonsense Chinese regime would be a breath of fresh air," he said in a recorded conference call to Chinese leaders.
Other Blagojevich schemes that have come to light were bribing the University of Chicago with contributions from solid waste disposal companies holding State contracts in exchange for an honorary degree; selling the mineral rights in Grant Park to South Africa; and demanding protection money from corporations located in the Sears Tower after 9/11.
Although Blagojevich claims to be innocent of all charges, prosecutors fear he may flee the State. He reportedly applied for a Chinese visa. He admitted in a recent interview that a fortune cookie predicted "High Walls Are In Your Future" so a trip to the Great Wall on a slow boat could fulfill the prophecy, he said.
Cubs and White Sox fans, still smarting from the 2008 season playoffs, had little to say about the governor. "It's just business as usual," commented a Chicago resident.
Despite the fact that the U.S. Constitution makes no provisions for conveying a state's sovereignty to a foreign power, the governor was apparently trying to hoodwink the Chinese, claiming Illinois would secede from the Union if the Chinese came up with enough cash.
"Illinois has a number of assets of interest to the Chinese," said a State official who requested anonymity. "The state's professional football, basketball and baseball teams under the Chinese banner would greatly enhance their world image. And there's room to erect a Mao Zedong Memorial right next to the Wild Bill Hickok Memorial in Springfield."
Blagojevich also hinted that the take-out Chinese food business in his State was up for grabs. "Everyone talks about Chicago-style pizza, but pork fried rice and egg roll in our State are the sleeping giants," he told the Chinese Ambassador in a recorded wiretap.
Other benefits to the Chinese, according to the State official, would be to keep the Dalai Lama from landing at O'Hare Airport, make Chicago's Chinatown a duty-free economic zone, and quickly arrest and send to prison the Chicago Tribune's editorial writers. "They would write nasty articles about your leaders," Blagojevich warned the ambassador.
The governor expressed confidence that the people of Illinois would accept the Chinese without question. "They habitually elect corrupt politicians. A no nonsense Chinese regime would be a breath of fresh air," he said in a recorded conference call to Chinese leaders.
Other Blagojevich schemes that have come to light were bribing the University of Chicago with contributions from solid waste disposal companies holding State contracts in exchange for an honorary degree; selling the mineral rights in Grant Park to South Africa; and demanding protection money from corporations located in the Sears Tower after 9/11.
Although Blagojevich claims to be innocent of all charges, prosecutors fear he may flee the State. He reportedly applied for a Chinese visa. He admitted in a recent interview that a fortune cookie predicted "High Walls Are In Your Future" so a trip to the Great Wall on a slow boat could fulfill the prophecy, he said.
Cubs and White Sox fans, still smarting from the 2008 season playoffs, had little to say about the governor. "It's just business as usual," commented a Chicago resident.
